Long Live The Simpsons
As some of you may know (and some of you may not) today marks the end of the longest T.V. Marathon in history. I've tweeted plenty of quotes from the show over the past twelve days and I think I may have slept ten hours in total during the first three or four days of said marathon.
I speak, of course, of what we now know as: Every. Simpsons. EVER.
I was once one of the camp that Simpsons had been on the air too long, and that, by this point, they were completely drained of anything like humor and just needed to fade away. Of course, if they were cancelled, chances are they'd just end up un-cancelled like Family Guy was, but still: plenty of people were of the opinion that The Simpsons could no longer attain the heights it reached before, say, Seasons eight or thirteen (usually it's a season in that range that people say 'they've stopped being good.')
While there's plenty of not-so-stellar episodes, as with any T.V. Show (check out Mr. Dingle, the Strong and then tell me every Twilight Zone episode was gold), I've found over the course of this Marathon that it moves up and down, like a wavelength. That makes sense: they change writers, directors and showrunners, so of course there's bound to be a wide range of episode types and styles and such.
But still there are some great recent episodes, too - not to mention the movie, which is non-stop hilarity throughout. The Good, the Bad and the Drugly was a fantastic recent episode with one great laugh I dare not ruin here; and The Girl Who Slept Too Little, We're on the Road to D'ohwhere and 500 Keys are all great little stories and ones I'm glad the current writers/runners of The Simpsons are making.
So, without further ado, here we go: My top fifteen favorite Simpsons episodes. Not the objective best, just my personal favorites. O.K? Here we go!
15. Bart on the Road (Season Seven, 1996)
Mr. Skinner employs a "Go to work with your Parents' Day" and Bart and Lisa are off of School. Lisa goes with Homer and makes his work-day bearable in a funny, silly and heart-warming B-Story.....whereas Bart goes to the DMV with Patty and Selma and makes himself a Driver's License.
What follows is a Road-Odyssey of Bart's, Nelson's and Milhouse's that is on par with the best Road Movies out there.
Favorite Moment: What happens when Bart and friends reach their destination. The first time I saw it, it was goddamn hysterical. I saw it recently on ESE, and lemme tell ya: it still is.
Favorite Quote: Patty: "Sometimes at the DMV, we never let the line move at all." Selma: "We call those Week-Days."
14. Lemon of Troy (Season Six, 1995)
So, it turns out the town over from Springfield has a bit of a grudge. See, Shelbyville was founded by a guy who felt that it should be O.K. to marry his attractive Cousins. The founder of Springfield, Jedidiah, had other plans. So what happened? A centuries-long feud that eventually leads to some boys from Shelbyville (rough parallels to our Springfield kids) stealing Bart and his buddies' prized Lemon-Tree. They have to get it back in an all-out preteen war with some great laughs and bombastic story-touches that make this another original, attention-grabbing episode you can't miss if you haven't seen it already.
Favorite Moment: Milhouse attacks Shelbyville's Blue-Haired kid, only to find his name is Milhouse as well. The reaction that the two kids have is not only funny, but also one I relate to - when I figure out whose idea it was to give me my godawful given name, someone's gonna be strangled.
Favorite Quote: "Hey! Look over there! It's somebody's attractive cousin!"
13. Barting Over (Season Fourteen, 2003)
With Blink-182 and Tony Hawk guest starring, this episode fits firmly in the early 2000's - and was one of the first episodes from when I first began regularly watching.
Bart finally gets sick of his father's brouhaha and, Homer being Homer, the Judge is quick to give him emancipation and let him live on his own. Soon enough he finds out that his apartment building is where Tony Hawk's staying during a tour; Homer realizes that if there's one man who can help him win back Bart's Heart....it's Tony Hawk.
Favorite moment: "Show me on this Doll where Homer took the money from you." (Bart pulls out the pockets of the little doll, to the shock of those in the courtroom.)
Favorite Quote: Bart tells the Lawyer he wants to be emancipated from his Parents. "You WHA?!?!?" Bart repeats the question. Lawyer: "No, I heard you. I was calling my Secretary. She's Hawaiian. Yuwaaaa!"
12. Like Father, Like Clown (Season Three, 1991)
Poor Krusty. He, along with Moe and Nelson, tend to get the sadder sights of the Simpsons Writers whenever they're featured as the main stars of an episode.
Krusty's been cancelling his dinner with Bart Simpson, which he owes him because Bart got him out of Jail and busted Sideshow Bob. His Secretary threatens to leave and so Krusty shows up to Bart's House. When they ask him to say Grace, Lisa deduces he's Jewish and he breaks down and explains his father never approved of his career choice as a Clown. What follows is an episode that's as touching and funny as the best of the Simpsons' golden years; when we need to explain why we love this show, we can point to episodes like this one. Anyone, big or small, who tries to pursue a creative career can definitely relate with Krusty the Klown here. Or should I say....Herschel Krustovski.
Favorite Moment: Krusty lights a Cigar...with a burning Action Comics No. 1. The first appearance of Superman and something more valuable than anything else in my house.
Favorite Quote: "I have no son!" Bart: "Well, great. We went out looking for Krusty's Dad and we didn't even find the right guy!"
11. Treehouse of Horror IV (Season Five, 1993)
The Devil as Flanders. The End. The God-Diddily-Damn End!
But seriously - this is one of the best Halloween Episodes there is. From the wraparound story featuring Bart in Rod Serling's Night Gallery to the aforementioned Demoniac Flanders to the third tale, which is without a doubt the most terrifying Treehouse segment ever, this episode stands as one of the best examples of what the Treehouse of Horror episodes can do. Funny, Freaky and Surreal as Chuck Jones, if you wanted to start watching the T.O.H. episodes here would be the place to start.
Favorite Moment: In the Night Gallery, Bart begins leading up to the third (and without a doubt, most terrifying) tale, and gets to the painting...which is A Friend in Need. Of course, that's a bit of a letdown - but Homer reacts as if that painting holds the soul of an otherworldly Lovecraftian Monster-God and, fittingly, goes completely and totally insane.
Favorite Quote: Homer taunts Devil-Flanders, who converts to a Nightmarish Monster and Shouts: "YOU ARE NOT SMARTER THAN ME! I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL YET, HOMER SIMPSON!"
10. Summer of 4 Ft. 2 (Season Seven, 1996)
So, Lisa's not popular - who'd have guessed? No, I mean, really, who'd have guessed? She's always been one of my favorite characters, providing a depth of heart and soul to the Simpsons that most of the other characters - well-drawn as they are (no pun intended) - don't ever seem to reach.
Well, after nobody signs her yearbook (and everyone, including Principal Skinner, signs Bart's) Lisa becomes depressed and Marge decides a trip to the Beach would be the best for her sadness. The Simpsons (and Milhouse) head along to a Beach-town that could be in Rhode Island, New Jersey or California and Lisa, pretending she forgot to pack any clothes, outfits herself with new, 'hip' attire and sets out to find some friends.
What follows is a sweet, charming episode where Lisa and Bart compete for the attention of the cool kids. It's also got plenty of laughs, which I'll try not to spoil here. The reason I like it so much is because I was stuck going to beach towns in Rhode Island every other weekend for the first fifteen years of my life. Sometimes I loved it, sometimes I hated it, but this episode captures the feel I had pretty damn well; from the cable-less Beach House to the friends you make who are truly awesome, but who you never see again. I have to wonder if that sort of experience happened to one of the writers or something. That reminds me - I've always wanted to write a sort-of "Christmas Story"-like Childhood novel about Rhode Island....and this episode just makes me wanna get back to that.
Favorite Moment: The ending. No, I won't ruin it for you. But it's awesome.
Favorite Quote: Lisa passes by a Library, resisting the temptation to read and seem 'geeky'. Soon enough the books have come to life and literary characters like Mark Twain and Alice and Dorothy are beckoning to her. Alice, with the Mad Hatter standing right behind her, says: "Come, Lisa. We'll have ever so much fun, ever so much...DON'T DO IT! IT'S A TRAP!!!"
9. Lisa gets an 'A' (Season Ten, 1998)
So, Lisa gets sick and can't go to School. To pass the time, she adopts a hobby that I myself have: Play Crash Bandi....uh, Dash Dingo! Yeah, that's it!
Well, when she gets back and finds out there's a test she didn't study for, she employs Bart's help and cheats. The injustice gnaws at her and she can't stand it, so she ends up fessing up to her teacher - who insists upon keeping her passing grade, as she's the best in the Class. Instead of the hackneyed plot where a character feels guilty and they simply solve it all by owning up to it at the end, Lisa owns up to it halfway through and ends up going straight down the Rabbit Hole of Desperation and Corruption that The Simpsons does so well. If you go into the episode after this description, I haven't ruined the plot. I've just set it up.
Favorite Moment: Lisa staying for days on end to play, and beat, Dash Dingo. And when she sits down to the test and curses the Crocodile Dundee-esque Villian, who laughs at her in her mind.
Favorite Quote: "Can't we go Catholic? They get Communion Wafers and Booze!"
8. Bart the Daredevil (Season Two, 1990)
Bart starts up his own little daredevil routine after seeing Lance Murdock brutally injured in one of his own shows. Of course, he immediately gets injured trying to skateboard over the family car. Dr. Hibbert shows him a ward full of badly injured children, who got hurt the same way he did - and it drives him to go even harder! Eventually Homer has to talk him out of it and of course, given we're talking about...well, Homer.....that goes wrong in about all the ways you would expect. A good early episode, if indeed very much planted in the early 1990s.
Favorite Moment: "I'm gonna make it? I'M GONNA MAKE IT!"
Favorite Quote: Homer's in the hospital with Lance Murdock. He tells him: "You think you've got guts? Try raising my kids."
7. Bart's Girlfriend (Season Six, 1994)
Bart falls in love with Reverend Lovejoy's Daughter, and must go through withdrawal when he has to refrain from Mischief. To his teacher's Horror, he re-enlists in Sunday School......and just can't get Jessica's affections. Only when his true self comes out does she fall in love with him as a Bad Boy - and he discovers she is more evil than he is! What results is a great, quotable and unforgettable episode, one of the jewels in the gold crown that was mid-90's Simpsons.
Favorite Moment: Remember how much Church Sucked as a kid? You get up early, sit to some guy drone on and on and on about nothing for an hour and that have to sit through agonizing smalltalk with your parents and all that bullcrap......well, The Simpsons skewers it perfectly in the opening of this episode. Remember the chase through the Cornfield in Planet of the Apes? Yep, that's them chasing the kids down to Church. In real life, that chase would be the most entertaining part of a Sunday as a kid.
Favorite Quote: Bart has a Slingshot, and his teacher's ass is up in the air as she picks something up off the floor. Bart: "Must....fight.....SATAN.....make it up.....to him....LATER!" *throws Slingshot*
6. The Mysterious Voyage Of Homer (Season Eight, 1997)
First off: JOHNNY CASH! BOOYAH!
And then, on another note - this may be one of the most visually creative non-Halloween episodes of The Simpsons, ever. (Even then, plenty of the T.O.H. shorts don't come close to this level of genius).
Homer eats Chief Wiggum's Chili, which is apparently so abnormally and unnaturally hot that it causes Nightmarish, Rob Zombie-esque hallucinations. Homer plays around with his fantasy world in a sort-of Porky in Wackyland send-up, and encounters a talking Coyote voiced by Johnny Cash. Solemn, dignified and prone to chewing Shoes, the Coyote confronts Homer about his selfishness and forces him to re-evaluate his relationships with Marge and the Kids. By far one of the most unpredictable episodes, this one is worth watching more than once - you can't get all the jokes in one sitting. The Season Eight DVD set was worth it for this one alone.
Favorite moment: Homer sits on a couch, speaking to somebody about his problems. The fellow he's venting to says: "Well, Mr. Simpson, that is indeed a serious problem. But I'm just a furniture salesman and if you're not going to buy something, I'm afraid you're going to have to leave the store."
Favorite Quote: Homer walks past a dog, coming to the conclusion his hallucination was just that - a hallucination. "That Pyramid was just the Quick-E-Mart, and that talking Coyote was really just a talking dog." A Dog shouts 'Hey Homer!' to him as he walks by. "Hey, wait a minute - dog's can't talk!" The dog states: "I mean, um....Bark, bark!" Homer: "Damn Straight!"
5. Homer goes to College (Season Five, 1993)
I AM SO SMART! I AM SO SMART! S-M-R-T! S-M-R-T!
That line was improvised, y'know.
This was the last episode written by Conan O'Brien before he left for his own show, and as far as I'm concerned, he was the best fit for Homer there ever was. This episode is by far Homer at his funniest, the best Homer-centric half-hour the series has yet to offer. Homer's had other great highlights, like Deep Space Homer and Homer's Barbershop Quartet, but the fans of this character above any other, this episode's a real treat. Only the Simpsons, especially with a Homer-based episode, could possible take Animal House and skewer it correctly.
Favorite Moment: Right here.
Favorite Quote: See above.
4. Kamp Krusty (Season Four, 1992)
Fun fact: this was originally to be the first Simpsons movie. No joke.
So, Bart and Lisa wanna go to Camp Krusty, a special Summer Camp where they're promised they'll be allowed to meet Krusty! WOOHOO! Right?
Well, it turns out to be a torture camp. Jimbo, Dolph and Ernie are Camp Counselors and regularly put the kids through grueling death-marches and force them to make shitty export Krusty wallets.....all while Homer gets thin and Marge loses wrinkles. An episode that captures the disappointments that usually come with vacations like this, it's also eminently quotable and has a great ending providing laughs and some measure of redemption for Krusty.
Favorite moment: The Simpsons officially goes Lord of the Flies: http://www.hulu.com/watch/22098
Favorite Quote: "KRUSTY IS COMING. KRUSTY IS COMING. KRUSTY IS COMING."
3. Treehouse of Horror III (Season Six, 1994)
This remains my favorite episode of the T.O.H. series, mostly due to 'Dial Z for Zombies'. But the whole thing really is great - if the following T.O.H. was a great introduction, this one is a great one to finish with. You can watch 'em in any order you want, but when I do, I usually save this one as a Grand Finale. You know what they say - always save the best for last!
Favorite Moment: Homer mows down Zombie versions of famous historical figures, like Lincoln and Shakespeare.
Favorite Quote: Homer is informed he killed the Zombie Flanders. His response? "He was a Zombie?"
2. Moe Baby Blues (Season Fourteen, 2003)
Moe's had it rough, as any regular Simpsons fans can tell you (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-TZ8Z5S9rI). The guy's ugly as sin, got a repulsive personality and, though he doesn't know it, regularly threatens to brutally slaughter a ten-year-old boy (Bart on the giving end of the prank calls). Apparently based upon a real person, Moe's generally just been a one-note joke (albeit a funny one). Up until this episode.
Just as he's about to throw himself off a bridge, he inadvertantly ends up rescuing little Maggie Simpson, and when she likes him back he begins to finally bond with somebody for once. Hank Azaria won an Emmy for his performance in this episode, and he fully deserved it. Full of moments that are both touching and hysterical, this goes to show that the Simpsons hadn't lost it's heart or funnybone by this time - and, as far as I'm concerned, it still hasn't.
Favorite Moment: Moe babysits Maggie and sets up a bar of couch coushins, attended by Maggie's dolls. He ends up throwing out most of the dolls, much to Maggie's delight.
Favorite Quote: A woman mentions Maggie looks just like Moe. Moe responds: "You callin' her repellent?"
1. Moaning Lisa (Season One, 1990)
This my favorite episode for one main reason: how well it deals with depression in kids. Yeah, I know what you're thinking, but hear me out: Lisa just wakes up sad one morning, for no real reason. In School she finds it hard to enjoy the things she used to like, and the one thing she can still use as a vent - music - is mocked and put down. She wails out with a wickedly talented sax solo and her music teacher tells her that it doesn't belong, even though she defends it as "I'm wailing out for the homeless family living out of its car. The Iowa farmer, whose land has been taken away by unfeeling bureaucrats. The West Virginia coal miner, coughing..." And of course, the teacher doesn't understand.
This is an experience that repeated itself over and over and over when I went to School, and whenever anyone tried to figure out what was wrong with me.
Homer and Marge get great reactions here too, Homer yelling at her for playing her Sax too loud - and then suddenly feeling terrible, realizing she was using the only form of expression available. Again, this is a realistic reaction to a child with some kind of depression - Homer knows he can't get angry at her for being sad, but he doesn't know how to handle it. Marge tries a little more, telling Lisa to just smile anyways and pretend to be happy - only to see her bullied even more, and immediately tell her to embrace her sadness. This is one of the most touching moments in the series and on television as a whole, and it makes me wonder if this is at all based on the experiences of Matt Groenig or one of the other show staff (indeed, it very much recalls the stories of Matt Groenig's Comic, Life in Hell, in particular the experiences of Bongo, the child character of said comic). Remember, mental illness had only just begun to gain prominence in the early 90's as a cause, forget about how it effected children.
But what makes this episode the most poignant of all is when Lisa finds another musician who also plays the Saxophone. "Bleeding Gums", as he's called, teaches her that she can vent her suffering and her problems with art, particularly music; and the climax of the episode features Bleeding Gums performing a Song Lisa wrote, much to her delight (and Homer's chagrin).
All-in-all, this is definitely my favorite episode. I first saw it when I was renting DVDs from my local Library, and when I caught it on the marathon I loved it just as much as I did all those years ago.
Favorite Moment: When Bleeding Gums performs Lisa's song, of course.
Favorite Quote: "The Blues ain't about feeling better. It's about making other people feel worse!"
So, what's the deal with the whole series? Well, after finishing up the Every Simpsons Ever marathon, I've noticed that while the same sort of long runs of unadulterated greatness may not be there, plenty of the same laughs, the same thoughts and, above all, the same heart remain with the show, even after all these decades of broadcasting.
I think maybe, after so long, some people just get sick of the same thing over and over again. And that's cool - I stopped watching around age 16, and now, re-watching the whole show five years later, it's made me realize that sometimes we just all need a break.
So what do I have to say? I say, I'll keep watching. Maybe not religiously, maybe not always regularly, but I'll keep my eyes out for whatever new twists and turns might happen in the future of America's favorite Yellow Family. After all this? I can't give up on 'em. From when I was just a little kid taping episodes to watch with my Dad and Uncle after my Grandparents fell asleep to a 20-something binging on hundreds of hours before school starts up, The Simpsons still stands as one of the best comedies not only to grace the T.V. Medium, but to grace the genre of comedy as a whole.
That's it. That's all I can say, with the words that I have. Here's hoping for more Gold (and not just in skin color) in the future.
Long Live The Simpsons.
I speak, of course, of what we now know as: Every. Simpsons. EVER.
I was once one of the camp that Simpsons had been on the air too long, and that, by this point, they were completely drained of anything like humor and just needed to fade away. Of course, if they were cancelled, chances are they'd just end up un-cancelled like Family Guy was, but still: plenty of people were of the opinion that The Simpsons could no longer attain the heights it reached before, say, Seasons eight or thirteen (usually it's a season in that range that people say 'they've stopped being good.')
While there's plenty of not-so-stellar episodes, as with any T.V. Show (check out Mr. Dingle, the Strong and then tell me every Twilight Zone episode was gold), I've found over the course of this Marathon that it moves up and down, like a wavelength. That makes sense: they change writers, directors and showrunners, so of course there's bound to be a wide range of episode types and styles and such.
But still there are some great recent episodes, too - not to mention the movie, which is non-stop hilarity throughout. The Good, the Bad and the Drugly was a fantastic recent episode with one great laugh I dare not ruin here; and The Girl Who Slept Too Little, We're on the Road to D'ohwhere and 500 Keys are all great little stories and ones I'm glad the current writers/runners of The Simpsons are making.
So, without further ado, here we go: My top fifteen favorite Simpsons episodes. Not the objective best, just my personal favorites. O.K? Here we go!
15. Bart on the Road (Season Seven, 1996)
Mr. Skinner employs a "Go to work with your Parents' Day" and Bart and Lisa are off of School. Lisa goes with Homer and makes his work-day bearable in a funny, silly and heart-warming B-Story.....whereas Bart goes to the DMV with Patty and Selma and makes himself a Driver's License.
What follows is a Road-Odyssey of Bart's, Nelson's and Milhouse's that is on par with the best Road Movies out there.
Favorite Moment: What happens when Bart and friends reach their destination. The first time I saw it, it was goddamn hysterical. I saw it recently on ESE, and lemme tell ya: it still is.
Favorite Quote: Patty: "Sometimes at the DMV, we never let the line move at all." Selma: "We call those Week-Days."
14. Lemon of Troy (Season Six, 1995)
So, it turns out the town over from Springfield has a bit of a grudge. See, Shelbyville was founded by a guy who felt that it should be O.K. to marry his attractive Cousins. The founder of Springfield, Jedidiah, had other plans. So what happened? A centuries-long feud that eventually leads to some boys from Shelbyville (rough parallels to our Springfield kids) stealing Bart and his buddies' prized Lemon-Tree. They have to get it back in an all-out preteen war with some great laughs and bombastic story-touches that make this another original, attention-grabbing episode you can't miss if you haven't seen it already.
Favorite Moment: Milhouse attacks Shelbyville's Blue-Haired kid, only to find his name is Milhouse as well. The reaction that the two kids have is not only funny, but also one I relate to - when I figure out whose idea it was to give me my godawful given name, someone's gonna be strangled.
Favorite Quote: "Hey! Look over there! It's somebody's attractive cousin!"
13. Barting Over (Season Fourteen, 2003)
With Blink-182 and Tony Hawk guest starring, this episode fits firmly in the early 2000's - and was one of the first episodes from when I first began regularly watching.
Bart finally gets sick of his father's brouhaha and, Homer being Homer, the Judge is quick to give him emancipation and let him live on his own. Soon enough he finds out that his apartment building is where Tony Hawk's staying during a tour; Homer realizes that if there's one man who can help him win back Bart's Heart....it's Tony Hawk.
Favorite moment: "Show me on this Doll where Homer took the money from you." (Bart pulls out the pockets of the little doll, to the shock of those in the courtroom.)
Favorite Quote: Bart tells the Lawyer he wants to be emancipated from his Parents. "You WHA?!?!?" Bart repeats the question. Lawyer: "No, I heard you. I was calling my Secretary. She's Hawaiian. Yuwaaaa!"
12. Like Father, Like Clown (Season Three, 1991)
Poor Krusty. He, along with Moe and Nelson, tend to get the sadder sights of the Simpsons Writers whenever they're featured as the main stars of an episode.
Krusty's been cancelling his dinner with Bart Simpson, which he owes him because Bart got him out of Jail and busted Sideshow Bob. His Secretary threatens to leave and so Krusty shows up to Bart's House. When they ask him to say Grace, Lisa deduces he's Jewish and he breaks down and explains his father never approved of his career choice as a Clown. What follows is an episode that's as touching and funny as the best of the Simpsons' golden years; when we need to explain why we love this show, we can point to episodes like this one. Anyone, big or small, who tries to pursue a creative career can definitely relate with Krusty the Klown here. Or should I say....Herschel Krustovski.
Favorite Moment: Krusty lights a Cigar...with a burning Action Comics No. 1. The first appearance of Superman and something more valuable than anything else in my house.
Favorite Quote: "I have no son!" Bart: "Well, great. We went out looking for Krusty's Dad and we didn't even find the right guy!"
11. Treehouse of Horror IV (Season Five, 1993)
The Devil as Flanders. The End. The God-Diddily-Damn End!
But seriously - this is one of the best Halloween Episodes there is. From the wraparound story featuring Bart in Rod Serling's Night Gallery to the aforementioned Demoniac Flanders to the third tale, which is without a doubt the most terrifying Treehouse segment ever, this episode stands as one of the best examples of what the Treehouse of Horror episodes can do. Funny, Freaky and Surreal as Chuck Jones, if you wanted to start watching the T.O.H. episodes here would be the place to start.
Favorite Moment: In the Night Gallery, Bart begins leading up to the third (and without a doubt, most terrifying) tale, and gets to the painting...which is A Friend in Need. Of course, that's a bit of a letdown - but Homer reacts as if that painting holds the soul of an otherworldly Lovecraftian Monster-God and, fittingly, goes completely and totally insane.
Favorite Quote: Homer taunts Devil-Flanders, who converts to a Nightmarish Monster and Shouts: "YOU ARE NOT SMARTER THAN ME! I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL YET, HOMER SIMPSON!"
10. Summer of 4 Ft. 2 (Season Seven, 1996)
So, Lisa's not popular - who'd have guessed? No, I mean, really, who'd have guessed? She's always been one of my favorite characters, providing a depth of heart and soul to the Simpsons that most of the other characters - well-drawn as they are (no pun intended) - don't ever seem to reach.
Well, after nobody signs her yearbook (and everyone, including Principal Skinner, signs Bart's) Lisa becomes depressed and Marge decides a trip to the Beach would be the best for her sadness. The Simpsons (and Milhouse) head along to a Beach-town that could be in Rhode Island, New Jersey or California and Lisa, pretending she forgot to pack any clothes, outfits herself with new, 'hip' attire and sets out to find some friends.
What follows is a sweet, charming episode where Lisa and Bart compete for the attention of the cool kids. It's also got plenty of laughs, which I'll try not to spoil here. The reason I like it so much is because I was stuck going to beach towns in Rhode Island every other weekend for the first fifteen years of my life. Sometimes I loved it, sometimes I hated it, but this episode captures the feel I had pretty damn well; from the cable-less Beach House to the friends you make who are truly awesome, but who you never see again. I have to wonder if that sort of experience happened to one of the writers or something. That reminds me - I've always wanted to write a sort-of "Christmas Story"-like Childhood novel about Rhode Island....and this episode just makes me wanna get back to that.
Favorite Moment: The ending. No, I won't ruin it for you. But it's awesome.
Favorite Quote: Lisa passes by a Library, resisting the temptation to read and seem 'geeky'. Soon enough the books have come to life and literary characters like Mark Twain and Alice and Dorothy are beckoning to her. Alice, with the Mad Hatter standing right behind her, says: "Come, Lisa. We'll have ever so much fun, ever so much...DON'T DO IT! IT'S A TRAP!!!"
9. Lisa gets an 'A' (Season Ten, 1998)
So, Lisa gets sick and can't go to School. To pass the time, she adopts a hobby that I myself have: Play Crash Bandi....uh, Dash Dingo! Yeah, that's it!
Well, when she gets back and finds out there's a test she didn't study for, she employs Bart's help and cheats. The injustice gnaws at her and she can't stand it, so she ends up fessing up to her teacher - who insists upon keeping her passing grade, as she's the best in the Class. Instead of the hackneyed plot where a character feels guilty and they simply solve it all by owning up to it at the end, Lisa owns up to it halfway through and ends up going straight down the Rabbit Hole of Desperation and Corruption that The Simpsons does so well. If you go into the episode after this description, I haven't ruined the plot. I've just set it up.
Favorite Moment: Lisa staying for days on end to play, and beat, Dash Dingo. And when she sits down to the test and curses the Crocodile Dundee-esque Villian, who laughs at her in her mind.
Favorite Quote: "Can't we go Catholic? They get Communion Wafers and Booze!"
8. Bart the Daredevil (Season Two, 1990)
Bart starts up his own little daredevil routine after seeing Lance Murdock brutally injured in one of his own shows. Of course, he immediately gets injured trying to skateboard over the family car. Dr. Hibbert shows him a ward full of badly injured children, who got hurt the same way he did - and it drives him to go even harder! Eventually Homer has to talk him out of it and of course, given we're talking about...well, Homer.....that goes wrong in about all the ways you would expect. A good early episode, if indeed very much planted in the early 1990s.
Favorite Moment: "I'm gonna make it? I'M GONNA MAKE IT!"
Favorite Quote: Homer's in the hospital with Lance Murdock. He tells him: "You think you've got guts? Try raising my kids."
7. Bart's Girlfriend (Season Six, 1994)
Bart falls in love with Reverend Lovejoy's Daughter, and must go through withdrawal when he has to refrain from Mischief. To his teacher's Horror, he re-enlists in Sunday School......and just can't get Jessica's affections. Only when his true self comes out does she fall in love with him as a Bad Boy - and he discovers she is more evil than he is! What results is a great, quotable and unforgettable episode, one of the jewels in the gold crown that was mid-90's Simpsons.
Favorite Moment: Remember how much Church Sucked as a kid? You get up early, sit to some guy drone on and on and on about nothing for an hour and that have to sit through agonizing smalltalk with your parents and all that bullcrap......well, The Simpsons skewers it perfectly in the opening of this episode. Remember the chase through the Cornfield in Planet of the Apes? Yep, that's them chasing the kids down to Church. In real life, that chase would be the most entertaining part of a Sunday as a kid.
Favorite Quote: Bart has a Slingshot, and his teacher's ass is up in the air as she picks something up off the floor. Bart: "Must....fight.....SATAN.....make it up.....to him....LATER!" *throws Slingshot*
6. The Mysterious Voyage Of Homer (Season Eight, 1997)
First off: JOHNNY CASH! BOOYAH!
And then, on another note - this may be one of the most visually creative non-Halloween episodes of The Simpsons, ever. (Even then, plenty of the T.O.H. shorts don't come close to this level of genius).
Homer eats Chief Wiggum's Chili, which is apparently so abnormally and unnaturally hot that it causes Nightmarish, Rob Zombie-esque hallucinations. Homer plays around with his fantasy world in a sort-of Porky in Wackyland send-up, and encounters a talking Coyote voiced by Johnny Cash. Solemn, dignified and prone to chewing Shoes, the Coyote confronts Homer about his selfishness and forces him to re-evaluate his relationships with Marge and the Kids. By far one of the most unpredictable episodes, this one is worth watching more than once - you can't get all the jokes in one sitting. The Season Eight DVD set was worth it for this one alone.
Favorite moment: Homer sits on a couch, speaking to somebody about his problems. The fellow he's venting to says: "Well, Mr. Simpson, that is indeed a serious problem. But I'm just a furniture salesman and if you're not going to buy something, I'm afraid you're going to have to leave the store."
Favorite Quote: Homer walks past a dog, coming to the conclusion his hallucination was just that - a hallucination. "That Pyramid was just the Quick-E-Mart, and that talking Coyote was really just a talking dog." A Dog shouts 'Hey Homer!' to him as he walks by. "Hey, wait a minute - dog's can't talk!" The dog states: "I mean, um....Bark, bark!" Homer: "Damn Straight!"
5. Homer goes to College (Season Five, 1993)
I AM SO SMART! I AM SO SMART! S-M-R-T! S-M-R-T!
That line was improvised, y'know.
This was the last episode written by Conan O'Brien before he left for his own show, and as far as I'm concerned, he was the best fit for Homer there ever was. This episode is by far Homer at his funniest, the best Homer-centric half-hour the series has yet to offer. Homer's had other great highlights, like Deep Space Homer and Homer's Barbershop Quartet, but the fans of this character above any other, this episode's a real treat. Only the Simpsons, especially with a Homer-based episode, could possible take Animal House and skewer it correctly.
Favorite Moment: Right here.
Favorite Quote: See above.
4. Kamp Krusty (Season Four, 1992)
Fun fact: this was originally to be the first Simpsons movie. No joke.
So, Bart and Lisa wanna go to Camp Krusty, a special Summer Camp where they're promised they'll be allowed to meet Krusty! WOOHOO! Right?
Well, it turns out to be a torture camp. Jimbo, Dolph and Ernie are Camp Counselors and regularly put the kids through grueling death-marches and force them to make shitty export Krusty wallets.....all while Homer gets thin and Marge loses wrinkles. An episode that captures the disappointments that usually come with vacations like this, it's also eminently quotable and has a great ending providing laughs and some measure of redemption for Krusty.
Favorite moment: The Simpsons officially goes Lord of the Flies: http://www.hulu.com/watch/22098
Favorite Quote: "KRUSTY IS COMING. KRUSTY IS COMING. KRUSTY IS COMING."
3. Treehouse of Horror III (Season Six, 1994)
This remains my favorite episode of the T.O.H. series, mostly due to 'Dial Z for Zombies'. But the whole thing really is great - if the following T.O.H. was a great introduction, this one is a great one to finish with. You can watch 'em in any order you want, but when I do, I usually save this one as a Grand Finale. You know what they say - always save the best for last!
Favorite Moment: Homer mows down Zombie versions of famous historical figures, like Lincoln and Shakespeare.
Favorite Quote: Homer is informed he killed the Zombie Flanders. His response? "He was a Zombie?"
2. Moe Baby Blues (Season Fourteen, 2003)
Moe's had it rough, as any regular Simpsons fans can tell you (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-TZ8Z5S9rI). The guy's ugly as sin, got a repulsive personality and, though he doesn't know it, regularly threatens to brutally slaughter a ten-year-old boy (Bart on the giving end of the prank calls). Apparently based upon a real person, Moe's generally just been a one-note joke (albeit a funny one). Up until this episode.
Just as he's about to throw himself off a bridge, he inadvertantly ends up rescuing little Maggie Simpson, and when she likes him back he begins to finally bond with somebody for once. Hank Azaria won an Emmy for his performance in this episode, and he fully deserved it. Full of moments that are both touching and hysterical, this goes to show that the Simpsons hadn't lost it's heart or funnybone by this time - and, as far as I'm concerned, it still hasn't.
Favorite Moment: Moe babysits Maggie and sets up a bar of couch coushins, attended by Maggie's dolls. He ends up throwing out most of the dolls, much to Maggie's delight.
Favorite Quote: A woman mentions Maggie looks just like Moe. Moe responds: "You callin' her repellent?"
1. Moaning Lisa (Season One, 1990)
This my favorite episode for one main reason: how well it deals with depression in kids. Yeah, I know what you're thinking, but hear me out: Lisa just wakes up sad one morning, for no real reason. In School she finds it hard to enjoy the things she used to like, and the one thing she can still use as a vent - music - is mocked and put down. She wails out with a wickedly talented sax solo and her music teacher tells her that it doesn't belong, even though she defends it as "I'm wailing out for the homeless family living out of its car. The Iowa farmer, whose land has been taken away by unfeeling bureaucrats. The West Virginia coal miner, coughing..." And of course, the teacher doesn't understand.
This is an experience that repeated itself over and over and over when I went to School, and whenever anyone tried to figure out what was wrong with me.
Homer and Marge get great reactions here too, Homer yelling at her for playing her Sax too loud - and then suddenly feeling terrible, realizing she was using the only form of expression available. Again, this is a realistic reaction to a child with some kind of depression - Homer knows he can't get angry at her for being sad, but he doesn't know how to handle it. Marge tries a little more, telling Lisa to just smile anyways and pretend to be happy - only to see her bullied even more, and immediately tell her to embrace her sadness. This is one of the most touching moments in the series and on television as a whole, and it makes me wonder if this is at all based on the experiences of Matt Groenig or one of the other show staff (indeed, it very much recalls the stories of Matt Groenig's Comic, Life in Hell, in particular the experiences of Bongo, the child character of said comic). Remember, mental illness had only just begun to gain prominence in the early 90's as a cause, forget about how it effected children.
But what makes this episode the most poignant of all is when Lisa finds another musician who also plays the Saxophone. "Bleeding Gums", as he's called, teaches her that she can vent her suffering and her problems with art, particularly music; and the climax of the episode features Bleeding Gums performing a Song Lisa wrote, much to her delight (and Homer's chagrin).
All-in-all, this is definitely my favorite episode. I first saw it when I was renting DVDs from my local Library, and when I caught it on the marathon I loved it just as much as I did all those years ago.
Favorite Moment: When Bleeding Gums performs Lisa's song, of course.
Favorite Quote: "The Blues ain't about feeling better. It's about making other people feel worse!"
So, what's the deal with the whole series? Well, after finishing up the Every Simpsons Ever marathon, I've noticed that while the same sort of long runs of unadulterated greatness may not be there, plenty of the same laughs, the same thoughts and, above all, the same heart remain with the show, even after all these decades of broadcasting.
I think maybe, after so long, some people just get sick of the same thing over and over again. And that's cool - I stopped watching around age 16, and now, re-watching the whole show five years later, it's made me realize that sometimes we just all need a break.
So what do I have to say? I say, I'll keep watching. Maybe not religiously, maybe not always regularly, but I'll keep my eyes out for whatever new twists and turns might happen in the future of America's favorite Yellow Family. After all this? I can't give up on 'em. From when I was just a little kid taping episodes to watch with my Dad and Uncle after my Grandparents fell asleep to a 20-something binging on hundreds of hours before school starts up, The Simpsons still stands as one of the best comedies not only to grace the T.V. Medium, but to grace the genre of comedy as a whole.
That's it. That's all I can say, with the words that I have. Here's hoping for more Gold (and not just in skin color) in the future.
Long Live The Simpsons.
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