Movies People Hate (And Why I Like Them)
So, you ever find a movie you like and that everyone else can't stand? I do, all the time! Either I have a keen eye for underappreciated talents, or I just have shitty taste because I'm a fanboy raised by t.v. and movies (probably the second one). So, inspired by Doug Walker's observations of the same name, I'll be presenting you with some opinions of mine that would probably get me burned at the stake if I were ever to voice them among other film enthusiasts.
Here we go! Feel free to tell me your own in the comment section.
Or, y'know, Troll the shit outta me, that's cool.
Drillbit Taylor
This one was a victim of high expectations. Also, I was a freshmen when I saw it, so I probably related to the main characters a little more.
But here it goes: Drillbit Taylor is, like, three out of five. I'm not saying it's gold, because it fucking ain't. The bully is so over-the-top that you can't take him seriously, or for humor given how totally batshit nuts he is.
Buuuuuuuuut the script, by Seth Rogen and former Beavis and Butthead scribe Kristofer Brown, definitely has its moments. It feels like a first draft, honestly - and a promising one, too. This script needed at least two more rewrites to make the Bullies less sociopathic and more funny (since this is supposed to be, y'know, a goddamn comedy and all) and while I'm alright with a vagabond-posing-as-bodyguard, it not only needed somebody wackier and more out-there (Will Ferrell comes to mind) but also, maybe, to focus on the three main kids a little more, seeing as they have chemistry together which makes the movie rise above just a forgettable cash-in on the 2000's Apatow Craze.
As is, the movie is just that: not terrible. It's worth a watch for its good moments and I remember enjoying it enough at the time.
Though it can't help but be noticed: the movie's PG-13 rating hurts it. That might very well be the movie's entire downfall, as it happens. All of the other Apatow Pictures were R's, and Hard R's. This is the odd man out and even it's defenders (like yours truly) admit it pales in comparison. Actually, those high expectations are almost certainly why the Critics were so harsh on it. But you have to wonder how good it could've been if all the barriers were to be brought down and if those two talented guys were willing to either write some harder, grittier drafts with a more batshit bodyguard-in-name-only and more realistic High School drama (i.e: more sympathetic, human bullies and actually breaching every preteen's favorite topic: boning). I know they had it in them, and it's a shame they didn't take more of it out onto the page and the screen.
And lots of critics noted how similar the main kids were to the protagonists of Superbad.....
Actually, Superbad: Freshmen Year might've been the better way to go with this one. Huh. Now I want that movie, goddamnit!
Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome
Before Fury Road, I thought this was the best Mad Max movie. Now? Now I think they're at about equal. All things considered, Fury Road is like a mid-point between Thunderdome and Road Warrior - the former's bizarre, 100-percent-put-together-originally-from-scratch-constructed-cultures and unique, barbaric and refreshingly original action sequences, along with the latter's raw, pulse-pounding, unyielding brutality and stylized, tasteful violence.
But we're not here to talk about Fury Road, because everyone else already has and better than I could.
Thunderdome has its fans - Roger Ebert, most notably. But it's not hard to find dissenters, especially among the Mad Max Fandom.
And of course, I can see why. Road Warrior was definitely the most unique and iconic of the Mad Max Films up until Thunderdome (the first one, while great, is a movie about a police officer who tries to get away from violence and winds up forced into it anyways, going "mad" in the process. Besides a slapped-on title card about it being "a few years from now" it lacks almost all of the things we would come to associate with this franchise in the popular culture. While a good movie on its own, definitely not something most Mad Max fans find themselves thinking about too often). Road Warrior set us up for sheer thrills and creative violence. Roger Ebert himself said that the movie engages in World-Building not through plot, characters and dialogue but through action and style, and I'd agree with that entirely.
Thunderdome, on the other hand, builds its world with........uh, plot, characters and dialogue. Yeah. I guess you could call that the traditional route, right? I mean, it's the one I use.
Anyways, yeah. Max finds himself in his world's version of a town or city, which is interesting because 1) we get to see what that looks like in this world, 2) it shows civilization is rising again, after falling in Road Warrior and teetering on the brink of collapse in the first film. This might be the wrong place to say this, but I think Fury Road actually belongs somewhere between RW and TD, because tonally it combines those two films (perhaps the next will find something totally new to do, or link to the first movie somehow. With all the good shit Miller's given us so far, my hopes are high. Let's hope he doesn't pull a Drillbit Taylor, am I right?).
Anyways, the town's name is Bartertown. Because in a world without money, what the Hell do you do? You barter like a Bronze-Ager, goddamnit! And Max finds himself a prize in the eye of the town's Empress-Celebrity, the creepy-as-all-shit Aunty Entity.
She wants him to fight in the magnificently constructed Thunderdome, which is like one of those domes of metal bars from a jungle-gym, except two guys jump around in bungee cords and try to slaughter each other like gladiators.
This is most in line with Road Warrior, but then Mad Max finds himself exiled after refusing to kill somebody and this is where the movie loses a lot of the other fans.
A bunch of feral animal children see him as their savior. Why it bothers some people: because they see it as taking a juvenile turn, having Mad Max rescue a troup of ragamuffin children instead of having disgusting and charmingly low-tech ultra-violence adventures.
Why it doesn't lose me: because the children's society is just as well put-together as everything else in the movie. They use a frame propped up on a stick as a simulated television, they use one of those toy binocular-slideshows to demonstrate the principles of their pseudo-religion, and most importantly: SOME OF THEM DIE! FUCKING HORRIBLY! Jesus Christ, how could you get away with that shit in a kid's movie? This is what kids are like in Mad Max's post-apocalyptic nightmare-world, it makes sense! It never felt out-of-whack to me, and actually gave Max himself some pretty interesting character development. This is his redemption: it makes sense as an ending to the series. The first movie is civilization falling, the next is civilization fallen, and the final is civilization rebuilt! And Fury Road is civilization rebuilding, hence its position in between RW and TD.
I mean, sure, the kids can get annoying, but they all felt like real kids, and not just caricatures. As far as I'm concerned it's a new direction that makes this one unique. Before this, the other two movies were just as different from each other - TD is actually more consistent with RW than either of them are with the first one, but nobody ever complained because RW worked on its own.
And, as far as I'm concerned, so does Thunderdome.
And for the record, there was a sympathetic child character in Road Warrior. So, y'know, don't be hypocrites, guys.
SyFy's Dune
So, before anyone asks: Yes, like most sane people, I do hate David Lynch's Dune. Actually, that's not fair; I don't think I really qualify as a sane person, at least not 100 percent. However, it may be David Lynch's Abomination that made me so forgiving of SyFy's no-budget attempt at capturing Frank Herbert's slow-burning but rich, fulfilling and deeply absorbing Literary Masterpiece.
SyFy's Dune has many flaws, all of which are so, so much more forgivable than this:
If you're wondering, that's Sting, the guy who sang this song. He mostly just screams about slaughtering people in Lynch's Abomination. For reasons why it sucks, please see here.
Anyways, SyFy's Dune was produced in 2000, back when it was still Sci-Fi and they were trying to be Classy. This one has its flaws: it has a few hammy moments from the actors, it has sometimes cheap and sometimes elaborately silly costumes, it has some crappy sets that are obviously shot on soundstages in front of Matte paintings and its CGI is terrible, even by the standards of 2000. Pitch Black features CGI that still holds up today, and that was made in the same year as Sci-Fi's Dune and on the same budget (25 million dollars).
But when it works, it works so well! It may not capture Dune perfectly, but it does the best job it could've been possible to do at the time and, as far as I'm concerned, since. The Baron Harkonnen is fittingly cunning and fearsome, as well as arrogant, greedy and effiminate, as he was in the Novel. Feyd-Rautha is both noble and a violent killer, Rabban is a Beast but still an underestimated intellect; and Paul definitely sells as a simple guy thrust into a Messianic role by virtue of his birth. I'll admit I'm easier on the performances when compared to David Lynch's "interpretations" considering he turned Baron Harkonnen into a diseased and insane screaming fat man and made the Mysterious and Eerily Compelling Bene Gesserits into Bald, Shrieking Crones. But even as a series in itself, it also succeeds on its own terms: the visuals have a distinctive style and the direction feels full of John Harrison's individual energy, making the story come to life through his eyes.......as all good adaptations should do.
Even the one thing that the Lynch Atrocity did right - the beautiful and hauntingly ambient, dreamlike musical score - is equaled by the Miniseries' soundtrack, composed by the great Graeme Revell (who, coincidentally, is also responsible for the Pitch Black Soundtrack, which is probably one of my all-time favorites). Graeme's style is already very Eastern/Tribally influenced and he plays up the Arabian/Desert style with his soundtrack to this film. Going along with Dune's heavy Arabic Atmosphere and Desert Setting, it arguably matches the franchise much better than what Brian Eno produced for the 1984 adaptation (even if Eno's score is just as masterful.) Here, check it out!
I think it's definitely worth checking out. I was originally going to include Children of Dune, Sci-Fi's sequel series, but it turns out that lots of people actually think that's the greatest adaptation of anything in the Duniverse ever put to screen - and, as it happens, I agree.
Though so far, it seems the most unanimous agreement I can find is that Iron Maiden has produced the best adaptation of the story. It's a pity Frank Herbert wouldn't allow them to name their adaptation "Dune" too, considering that not only would've been great advertisement but that quite a large percentage of his fanbase were almost certainly also big Iron Maiden fans.
Well, that's it for now. Stay tuned for 30 Days of Night, the 1990's version of Land of the Lost and the last half of The Chronicles of Riddick in the near future!
Here we go! Feel free to tell me your own in the comment section.
Or, y'know, Troll the shit outta me, that's cool.
Drillbit Taylor
This one was a victim of high expectations. Also, I was a freshmen when I saw it, so I probably related to the main characters a little more.
But here it goes: Drillbit Taylor is, like, three out of five. I'm not saying it's gold, because it fucking ain't. The bully is so over-the-top that you can't take him seriously, or for humor given how totally batshit nuts he is.
 |
| This is where it starts. I repeat: STARTS. |
Buuuuuuuuut the script, by Seth Rogen and former Beavis and Butthead scribe Kristofer Brown, definitely has its moments. It feels like a first draft, honestly - and a promising one, too. This script needed at least two more rewrites to make the Bullies less sociopathic and more funny (since this is supposed to be, y'know, a goddamn comedy and all) and while I'm alright with a vagabond-posing-as-bodyguard, it not only needed somebody wackier and more out-there (Will Ferrell comes to mind) but also, maybe, to focus on the three main kids a little more, seeing as they have chemistry together which makes the movie rise above just a forgettable cash-in on the 2000's Apatow Craze.
As is, the movie is just that: not terrible. It's worth a watch for its good moments and I remember enjoying it enough at the time.
Though it can't help but be noticed: the movie's PG-13 rating hurts it. That might very well be the movie's entire downfall, as it happens. All of the other Apatow Pictures were R's, and Hard R's. This is the odd man out and even it's defenders (like yours truly) admit it pales in comparison. Actually, those high expectations are almost certainly why the Critics were so harsh on it. But you have to wonder how good it could've been if all the barriers were to be brought down and if those two talented guys were willing to either write some harder, grittier drafts with a more batshit bodyguard-in-name-only and more realistic High School drama (i.e: more sympathetic, human bullies and actually breaching every preteen's favorite topic: boning). I know they had it in them, and it's a shame they didn't take more of it out onto the page and the screen.
And lots of critics noted how similar the main kids were to the protagonists of Superbad.....
Actually, Superbad: Freshmen Year might've been the better way to go with this one. Huh. Now I want that movie, goddamnit!
Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome
Before Fury Road, I thought this was the best Mad Max movie. Now? Now I think they're at about equal. All things considered, Fury Road is like a mid-point between Thunderdome and Road Warrior - the former's bizarre, 100-percent-put-together-originally-from-scratch-constructed-cultures and unique, barbaric and refreshingly original action sequences, along with the latter's raw, pulse-pounding, unyielding brutality and stylized, tasteful violence.
But we're not here to talk about Fury Road, because everyone else already has and better than I could.
 |
Thunderdome has its fans - Roger Ebert, most notably. But it's not hard to find dissenters, especially among the Mad Max Fandom.
And of course, I can see why. Road Warrior was definitely the most unique and iconic of the Mad Max Films up until Thunderdome (the first one, while great, is a movie about a police officer who tries to get away from violence and winds up forced into it anyways, going "mad" in the process. Besides a slapped-on title card about it being "a few years from now" it lacks almost all of the things we would come to associate with this franchise in the popular culture. While a good movie on its own, definitely not something most Mad Max fans find themselves thinking about too often). Road Warrior set us up for sheer thrills and creative violence. Roger Ebert himself said that the movie engages in World-Building not through plot, characters and dialogue but through action and style, and I'd agree with that entirely.
Thunderdome, on the other hand, builds its world with........uh, plot, characters and dialogue. Yeah. I guess you could call that the traditional route, right? I mean, it's the one I use.
Anyways, yeah. Max finds himself in his world's version of a town or city, which is interesting because 1) we get to see what that looks like in this world, 2) it shows civilization is rising again, after falling in Road Warrior and teetering on the brink of collapse in the first film. This might be the wrong place to say this, but I think Fury Road actually belongs somewhere between RW and TD, because tonally it combines those two films (perhaps the next will find something totally new to do, or link to the first movie somehow. With all the good shit Miller's given us so far, my hopes are high. Let's hope he doesn't pull a Drillbit Taylor, am I right?).
Anyways, the town's name is Bartertown. Because in a world without money, what the Hell do you do? You barter like a Bronze-Ager, goddamnit! And Max finds himself a prize in the eye of the town's Empress-Celebrity, the creepy-as-all-shit Aunty Entity.
 |
| You see that? That's the look of a woman who's about to oppress and terrorize the shit outta some starving, lice-ridden people. It's a shame she never met up with Immortan Joe, 'cause then the movie would've been over in five minutes and everyone'd live happily ever after. |
This is most in line with Road Warrior, but then Mad Max finds himself exiled after refusing to kill somebody and this is where the movie loses a lot of the other fans.
 |
| Max runs into a bunch of children. So like Fury Road, but with Children instead of Sex-Slaves. Again.....I see where it loses some people here. |
A bunch of feral animal children see him as their savior. Why it bothers some people: because they see it as taking a juvenile turn, having Mad Max rescue a troup of ragamuffin children instead of having disgusting and charmingly low-tech ultra-violence adventures.
Why it doesn't lose me: because the children's society is just as well put-together as everything else in the movie. They use a frame propped up on a stick as a simulated television, they use one of those toy binocular-slideshows to demonstrate the principles of their pseudo-religion, and most importantly: SOME OF THEM DIE! FUCKING HORRIBLY! Jesus Christ, how could you get away with that shit in a kid's movie? This is what kids are like in Mad Max's post-apocalyptic nightmare-world, it makes sense! It never felt out-of-whack to me, and actually gave Max himself some pretty interesting character development. This is his redemption: it makes sense as an ending to the series. The first movie is civilization falling, the next is civilization fallen, and the final is civilization rebuilt! And Fury Road is civilization rebuilding, hence its position in between RW and TD.
I mean, sure, the kids can get annoying, but they all felt like real kids, and not just caricatures. As far as I'm concerned it's a new direction that makes this one unique. Before this, the other two movies were just as different from each other - TD is actually more consistent with RW than either of them are with the first one, but nobody ever complained because RW worked on its own.
And, as far as I'm concerned, so does Thunderdome.
And for the record, there was a sympathetic child character in Road Warrior. So, y'know, don't be hypocrites, guys.
SyFy's Dune
So, before anyone asks: Yes, like most sane people, I do hate David Lynch's Dune. Actually, that's not fair; I don't think I really qualify as a sane person, at least not 100 percent. However, it may be David Lynch's Abomination that made me so forgiving of SyFy's no-budget attempt at capturing Frank Herbert's slow-burning but rich, fulfilling and deeply absorbing Literary Masterpiece.
SyFy's Dune has many flaws, all of which are so, so much more forgivable than this:
 |
| You see this? This is a thing. A thing that happened. In David Lynch's Dune. Yes, this is somebody's view of the Greatest Science Fiction Novel of all time. |
If you're wondering, that's Sting, the guy who sang this song. He mostly just screams about slaughtering people in Lynch's Abomination. For reasons why it sucks, please see here.
Anyways, SyFy's Dune was produced in 2000, back when it was still Sci-Fi and they were trying to be Classy. This one has its flaws: it has a few hammy moments from the actors, it has sometimes cheap and sometimes elaborately silly costumes, it has some crappy sets that are obviously shot on soundstages in front of Matte paintings and its CGI is terrible, even by the standards of 2000. Pitch Black features CGI that still holds up today, and that was made in the same year as Sci-Fi's Dune and on the same budget (25 million dollars).
 |
| Above: Less ridiculous and infinitely more aesthetically pleasing than Sting in a Winged, Titanium Thong. |
But when it works, it works so well! It may not capture Dune perfectly, but it does the best job it could've been possible to do at the time and, as far as I'm concerned, since. The Baron Harkonnen is fittingly cunning and fearsome, as well as arrogant, greedy and effiminate, as he was in the Novel. Feyd-Rautha is both noble and a violent killer, Rabban is a Beast but still an underestimated intellect; and Paul definitely sells as a simple guy thrust into a Messianic role by virtue of his birth. I'll admit I'm easier on the performances when compared to David Lynch's "interpretations" considering he turned Baron Harkonnen into a diseased and insane screaming fat man and made the Mysterious and Eerily Compelling Bene Gesserits into Bald, Shrieking Crones. But even as a series in itself, it also succeeds on its own terms: the visuals have a distinctive style and the direction feels full of John Harrison's individual energy, making the story come to life through his eyes.......as all good adaptations should do.
Even the one thing that the Lynch Atrocity did right - the beautiful and hauntingly ambient, dreamlike musical score - is equaled by the Miniseries' soundtrack, composed by the great Graeme Revell (who, coincidentally, is also responsible for the Pitch Black Soundtrack, which is probably one of my all-time favorites). Graeme's style is already very Eastern/Tribally influenced and he plays up the Arabian/Desert style with his soundtrack to this film. Going along with Dune's heavy Arabic Atmosphere and Desert Setting, it arguably matches the franchise much better than what Brian Eno produced for the 1984 adaptation (even if Eno's score is just as masterful.) Here, check it out!
I think it's definitely worth checking out. I was originally going to include Children of Dune, Sci-Fi's sequel series, but it turns out that lots of people actually think that's the greatest adaptation of anything in the Duniverse ever put to screen - and, as it happens, I agree.
Though so far, it seems the most unanimous agreement I can find is that Iron Maiden has produced the best adaptation of the story. It's a pity Frank Herbert wouldn't allow them to name their adaptation "Dune" too, considering that not only would've been great advertisement but that quite a large percentage of his fanbase were almost certainly also big Iron Maiden fans.
Well, that's it for now. Stay tuned for 30 Days of Night, the 1990's version of Land of the Lost and the last half of The Chronicles of Riddick in the near future!
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